(written partly in 2017)
The darkness can become very dark at times and it traps us in a lonely and despair state. The darkness can also convince you to believe the lies and forgo the truth. I get stuck in the darkness more times than I want to admit these days. My days are full of changing diapers x2, feeding 4 littles about 20x a day, running errands, picking up toys, tackling endless mounds of laundry, washing dishes that seem to come out of nowhere, trying to get permanent marker out of my couch, maneuvering through toys, closing doors, vacuuming up the endless amounts of crumbs on my floor, giving everyone their monthly baths ;), and then repeat day after day.
This time of my life can be very lonely, exhausting and monotonous. And in those dark moments of my day, when I feel like I am failing at life, I just want to give up. This isn’t a statement that I say lightly but a statement that has so much weight and truth to it, a statement I want to bring life and light to so the darkness can not consume me any longer. As I begin gripping the frayed piece of thread that is holding my life together, I ask “What’s the point?”
That dark voice comes into my mind and casually whispers lies to me. “You are an awful mother”, “those kids would be better off with out you” ….etc. You can imagine the other lies floating around in there, because as a woman, you have probably heard them too. Many times I give in to those lies and spend the majority of my day accepting what the enemy is saying to me. I get stuck in this deep dark pit of a hole, unable to get out, falling deeper and deeper settling into a state of depression and despair.
As the walls of this pit close in I begin to scream, unable to control my surroundings. My hands grip the sides and they are wet to the touch, making it impossible to climb out. My feet are stuck in a thick substance that surrounds them, making them unable to move. It is there where I desire to sit and succumb to the forces that are against me. In that moment it seems easier to let go then to fight.
There is a scene in Cars 3 that caught my eye while watching it with my kids. It shined a light on the darkness and helped me understand the spiritual attacks that were coming against me. In the scene, Lightning McQueen realizes his time competing is over and he calls Cruz, his young trainer, to take his place on the track and begin her lifelong dream of racing. She immediately joins the male dominant group of racers and begins passing each car one by one until she is five or so cars back from the lead, Storm. Storm is a hotheaded rookie that thinks he owns the track. He falls back and begins trash talking Cruz, telling her she doesn’t belong and that she needs to leave because she is never going to win anyway. Cruz begins to fall back, the cars she once passed begin passing her. McQueen quickly gets on the radio, after hearing everything Storm just said to her, and says, (I’m paraphrasing here)
“Do you see what just happened there?” he asked Cruz.
“Yes, I don’t belong here”, she begins to say as she believes everything Storm said.
“NO! He noticed you. He is scared of you! Why else would he back off to talk trash to you if he wasn’t worried you would beat him?”
Her confidence builds and she catches up with Storm and begins boasting about her talent. He crashes her between the wall and himself and yells,
“You do not belong here!”
Her reply, “YES I DO!” as she flips over his car and wins the race.
This scene plays over in my head many times when I am immersed in the darkness and its attacks. I have noticed these dark moments gain traction when I allow fear, anxiety and worry to take over my life. My mind begins focusing on how I can/can’t control a situation and less on trusting God. To get out of these attacks we must begin trusting God with our whole being and stop giving into the tactics of the enemy. As soon as we feel fear, doubt, anxiety or worry creep in through the crevasses of our soul we must stop right there and surrender to God. When we know the tactics of the enemy we can see them for what they are, lies. Then, we can throw on the armor of God and win this race God has marked out for us.
“Put on the whole armor of God , that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil” Ephesians 6:11
One of the pieces of armor that will stop the enemy in his tracks is declaring the holy word of God. Speak His promises and truths out loud. When we do this the enemy loses his power over us. Let us declare, We are worthy! We are significant! We are loved! God has a plan for our lives, that is designed to prosper us! God is our protector! God is our provider! God is our savior! God will fight for us! Keep the faith always and never lose hope in what God has for your life because it is good.
God never leaves us nor forsakes us, so when we are stuck in the hole of desire look up. He will be there with His light shining down on you and hand ready for you to grab hold of it and pull you up. Don’t get stuck in that hole, get out as quick as you can, it is up to you to fight hard against the desire to let go. Look up! When times get tough, and you begin to ask yourself again, “what’s the point” know this truth, He is the point. He is the reason and the only reason we must fight everyday. He has a plan so perfectly and uniquely designed for us and He is ready and waiting for us to surrender to Him. It will be worth it my friend, you will see. Hang on, because you are gonna be o.k.