What is cryageddon you ask? The Ohm dictionary defines it below:
•When the majority of your offspring begin crying at the same time causing a sound that could possible break the sound barrier
I yelled “what is this cryageddon!?” at the top of my lungs, just trying to out cry the other three littles that were clinging on to me. All needing and wanting something I could not give them in that moment. A nap, another treat, to be held, daddy to hold them, paci holder, or that one thing from 3 weeks ago that we do not have anymore. “Witching Hour” they call it. A time when everyone in the house goes crazy. That hour just happens to be around dinner time when my hands are occupied by boiling water, raw meat and huge knives. As the words came billowing out of my mouth I couldn’t help but let out a chuckle. “Where did that come from?” I wondered. I knew God planted that thought in my head so I could have a little laugh. We now have a knew name for this tragic event in our household and I have compiled 8 ways to survive this event if it should ever reach your home. Don’t fret, even though it feels like ages it’s is short lived. These survival tips will ease your pain.
1. Eat All the Chocolate
Stop everything you are doing, drop the knife in a safe place, wash your hands and locate your hidden stash. Yes you know exactly what I’m talking about. The one you don’t even tell your husband about. This stash is for emergencies and by golly this is an emergency. Begin eating chocolate until the crying stops or when you have enough strength to carry on. There is a no judgement rule on this one and calories don’t count. We must survive.
2. Turn on Chris Stapleton Pandora
Locate your phone and find your favorite pandora station. Or if you are feeling nice you can choose the kids favorite station (aka: Kids BOP) My go to station is always Chris Stapleton. It’s soothing yet has enough beat to get everyone’s foot a tapping. Plus, we can all agree my life is one big country music song right now. I gravitate to what I know! Can’t help it. Before you know it, everyone will begin singing along. If they don’t, the music will be so loud you won’t be able to hear them anyway.
3. Cry with them
Sometimes this is all you can do. Crying allows the pain from inside of you to escape. It must happen at some point. Plus, your tears will fall into the food and it will add a nice flavoring. No salt needed.
4. Hide in the Bathroom
An oldie but a goodie. Drop everything you are doing and quickly escape to the closest bathroom. (Quick note: it is probably a good idea to make sure everyone is safe and contained before you retreat to your throne ) Sit in the bathroom and wait till you have enough energy to go back out there and deal with your crying kids and now burning food. Oh well, just s perfect excuse to get pizza. Relax, You wanted anyway!
5. Call your Significant Other
Texting will do just as well. Voice to him how he needs to invent a tellaport machine like yesterday so he could be home like 5 minutes ago. Also procede to tell him how HIS kids have been screaming like this all day (even though it’s only been 5 minutes, but it feels like for-ages) and you are done with this stay at home nauncense and getting a full time job tomorrow. As he begins to use his quiet words, in his quiet car ( you can literally hear crickets coming from the other end) you will imagine you are there with him for a second and soak in all that glorious goodness. You will even be able to taste that iced latte (don’t try and hide, I see you) He then will tell you that you can have a break when he gets home and you will clutch this dream in your sweaty fist holding on for dear life just waiting for that sweet tender moment to arrive.
6. Ohm Savings Time
This is also known as day-light savings time when you move the clock either forward or backward twice a year. Ohm savings time is a reflection of the forward motion of time. This can happen on any day and any time. It can happen as frequent as you wish. This is when you move the clocks up one hour. You must be inconspicuous as the bigger kids will quickly catch on to your genius plan and out you. “Man…look at that time! It’s 7:00pm. Time for bed kids! I love you. Goodnight.” You’re welcome. It’s 7 o’clock somewhere!
7. Pack them up
Drop everything you are doing. Turn off the stove. Grab a bottle and a diaper just in case and load everyone into the car. You don’t need to explain where you are going. Just get them in. You can even bribe the bigger ones with candy. It’s ok. It’s an emergency. Once you are in your car breathe because most likely everyone will be quiet. But you need to move fast because a standing car is a ticking time bomb for “the criers” you know who they are. Proceed to your nearest coffee shop drive through. Get the venti, you know you want to.
8. Praise Baby
If you don’t have these dvds go to Amazon right now and buy a few. You will need a couple I promise. Move the littles in front of the TV (it’s ok, it’s an emergency) and put in the DVD and just sit back and watch a miracle happen. I don’t know what it is but they will be mesmerized and you will be able to continue making dinner. If it’s buttered noodles, that’s ok! You are winning at life just by being able to keep all these littles alive!