Today began just like any other day. I stumbled out of bed, grabbed the babes and headed to the kitchen and waited for the coffee maker to pour me a cup of gold. Black. That’s how I take it these days. Enough with the frills, lets just get down to business, right? I wish, honestly it saddens me to say I can’t have any of the good stuff in my coffee anymore due to medical issues….wha wha!!! Please feel sorry for me, I’m struggling.
As I sat down and sipped on my new found love of black coffee I watched the news with my mom. She mentioned today was National Miscarriage Awareness Day. They say 1 in 4 women have been through a miscarriage. Wait, that’s me! I am 1 in 4. It is heartbreaking how common it is, but I am grateful that this tragedy is getting some light. It is getting the awareness it so desperately deserves. For many years it wasn’t talked about. For years women were asked to keep this to themselves, to get over it, move on, get pregnant again and the silent grief grew up inside of them. Women felt shameful and heartbroken. Unsure what to do next except to “move on”. Now, these babies have a day. These babies are seen and loved.
As I sat there thinking back, God sent me the most beautiful picture through my mom. A vision of my children & nieces/nephew playing Ring around the Rosie, in Heaven. I couldn’t help but smile. Most of you know my story of losing my babies. If you don’t I would love to share that with you but today I wanted to share with you of how I lost my identity. With every loss the enemy crept in and put a lie in my head. It was a lie of not being good enough, that this was my fault, I was unloved, undeserving, unwilling, broken and I was lost. I lost who I was as a person. I would introduce myself to people as “Hi, I am Audra and I lost 6 babies.” Not so directly but pretty much like that. I took on the identity of the action and not the King.
Many years ago I went through a deliverance session that brought out those lies and today I am able to say, “I am Audra and I am a daughter of the most High King.” You may or may not have been through a miscarriage but I know you have been through some kind of heartbreak. What I want you to know today is that you are love and treasured by our God in Heaven and He sees you. He weeps with you and wants to make good of the situation. The ways of the Enemy are evil and He is out to kill, steal and destroy. God wants to take what the enemy meant to bring you harm and use it for good. Take ownership in Him and who you are in Him. You are not your mistakes, your heartaches, your disease or even your successes. They are part of you but they do not define you, only God can define you.
Yes, I am 1 of 4 women that have been through a miscarriage but that does not define me. I am a child of God who loves and cherishes me. I am here today to tell my story of how God has shown up in my life and gives me little whispers of hope. I am here to tell you that God turned all my heartbreak into good and I am so grateful for that. I am here because of God and he wants me to tell you that YOU are loved, He is near and don’t give up. Hold on and listen for his little whispers of hope.