It has been some time since I have sat down to write. Ive missed it. It is as if a part of me is missing, a chapter out of my own book that has been ripped out or maybe just not written yet. Writing is my way of expressing how the Holy Spirit speaks to me. But lately, as most of you know, my time has been stolen by a beautiful tiny human. And, because that sweet face also stole my heart, I didn’t mind one bit that my writing had taken to the sidelines for bit. It was three months of silence, and it hit me like a ton of bricks when the Holy Spirit finally made his way through those tired spiritual ears of mine.
It was a normal night just a few weeks ago, I was sitting on couch exhausted from the day. Dishes were piled in the sink from the nights dinner that we just enjoyed in the living room. Nail polish sat opened on the piano bench next to my freshly multi-colored polished nails. There were toys, a bouncer with a beautiful baby girl in it, play yard & car seat that were strategically sprawled about our tiny living room floor. Among them laid dirty burb rags & empty bottles. A tub of pretzels, the bulk kind, was sitting on the tv stand with countless crumbs & half eaten pretzel around it. I sat there, sighed, and began to think about all the things I needed to do, but too exhausted to accomplish.
As I was about to get up and half heartedly tackle those daunting tasks, my oldest daughter entered the room. She stepped over piles of clothes with a pair of my red heels on her tiny feet. (note: this particular pair of shoes have not been worn in ages. What once was a fashionable accessory to my outfits is now a 5 year olds dress up shoes.) She wore a tiara & princess dress and approached her subject with confidence and grace. As she hobbled across the living room floor she kept eye contact with my husband. I watched as she reached out her hand and so sweetly asked him, “Father, may I have this dance?” There was no music playing, only the Price is Right in the background, but my husband didn’t hesitate and politely said “yes my dear.” And the two of them danced, right there in the middle of our messy living room floor as my husband sang his signature song. Laughter poured out of both of them and I couldn’t help but let a smile form on my make-up free face. That is when the Holy Spirit spoke to my inner most being. (insert ton of bricks hitting my spiritual head)
“Daughter, this is what I want from you so badly, I want to dance with you. I want to spend time with you just as you are.”
He was showing me that I didn’t need to have all my stuff together to meet with him. He wanted to meet with me just where I was. He wanted to dance with his daughter amongst the mess. In the last three months I have felt that my spiritual life had been lacking. I felt lost and incomplete because I wasn’t doing something. I felt I needed to be reading this, writing that or serving others to be close to the Lord, and all a long he just wanted to dance with his daughter, just as I was. That’s the funny thing about us & God, we feel that we need to earn his love when its the total opposite. Just as my daughter doesn’t need to do anything to earn my husbands love, we don’t need to earn God’s love. My husband didn’t say to her, “I will dance with you if you pick up your toys first” or “I will love you when you learn to behave.” No, he whole heartedly said yes and began dancing with her, no questions asked.
God wants you too, just as you are. Today, right now, this moment. He wants to spend time with you because he loves you. He doesn’t see your past or your baggage that you hold. He doesn’t need you to fix things to love you, He has loved you from the beginning of time and He loves you right now. So go get on your red high heels and princess dress and dance with your Father.
Jeremiah 1:5(NIV) “Before I formed you in the womb I knew[a] you,
before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”
Psalm 139:13 (NIV) For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
Ephesians 2:8-9 (NIV)
8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast.